Once upon a time there was a really ugly kid named Normak. He looked sort of like Gollum would if he had leprosy. He didn't have any genetic problems or anything; he was just the fugliest thing to ever be born. His parents thought about making him live in the basement for the rest of his life, but instead decided to raise him like a normal child.

School was really hard for Normak. He had no friends and no one talked to him. That's because once a girl went blind from looking at him for too long. He was very depressed and tried to kill himself almost on a weekly basis, but every time he tried he couldn't do it.

One day he went home to see his parents tied up on the floor and a guy robbing his house. The robber, upon seeing Normak, pummeled him in the face with a shovel and ran away. That pummeling fixed Normak's ugliness. In fact, he was so drop dead gorgeous that he made Brad Pitt look like a harlequin baby.

From then on, life was so much easier. Everyone wanted to be his friend. Normak suddenly had everything he couldn't have when he was ugly. All his emotional problems went away and he became nauseatingly happy. Everyone loved him, and everything was perfect, until he got drunk and wrapped his car around the customer service desk at Wal-Mart, killing six people in the process. After that, the only person who loved him was Bubba, his cellmate.

                                                The End